Niall Harrison (coalescent) wrote,
Niall Harrison

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Squids in Sports Night

Sports Night, if you haven't heard of it, is the show Aaron Sorkin created before The West Wing. It was a half-hour show set backstage at a late-night cable show called, yes, Sports Night, and ran between 1998 and 2000. Thanks to the kindness of lamentables, I've been gradually working my way through it over the past couple of months.

Now, I knew from a certain episode of The West Wing that Sorkin seemed to be a space fan, but I was still taken a bit by surprise by 'The Sweet Smell of Air'. Dana Whitaker, the producer of Sports Night, wants to discuss a potential Michael Jordan interview with her boss, the managing editor Isaac Jaffe:
DANA: Hi, Isaac--

ISAAC: Hi. Dana, listen to this, this is fantastic. [reads from magazine] "Bioengineering might one day create living creatures adapted to survival in space."


ISAAC: Space birds.

DANA: ... OK.

ISAAC: Don't you wanna know how they're gonna fly without air?

DANA: Uh ... OK.

ISAAC: It says here they're gonna fly on sunlight.

DANA: ... So, we got this Michael Jordan offer ...

ISAAC: And further out where the sunlight grows weaker, they're gonna bioengineer a squid.

DANA: ... Squid?
ISAAC: Yes! Swimming not in water, but in space. [reading again] "Drawing volatile fuels from Jovian moons to power their gentle but efficient propulsion systems."

DANA: ... uh ... Michael Jordan ...?

ISAAC: "Their utility could be comparable to that of horses and mules in the winning of the West."


ISAAC: I can see myself out there. Sitting alone by the fire. A space squid my only companion.

DANA: Isaac!

ISAAC: Michael Jordan.

DANA: Yes.

ISAAC: They wanna talk about cologne.

DANA: In the press kit, they accidentally included coaching notes for Michael on how to bring the interview back to the cologne. [hands Isaac the notes]


DANA: Yeah. Do we book the interview?

ISAAC: Absolutely.

DANA: [baffled] Isaac!

ISAAC: Absolutely!

DANA: And talk about perfume?

ISAAC: Cologne!

DANA: There's no difference!

ISAAC: Michael's Michael. Let him talk about what he wants.

DANA: You really wanna use Sports Night for a five-minute infomercial?

ISAAC: With Michael? Sure.

DANA: Isaac ...

ISAAC: You know, just ten years ago it would've been hard to imagine a black man selling cologne.

DANA: Eight-year olds are buying aftershave, Isaac, I'm not sure it's a huge step forward.

ISAAC: I'll take any step forward.


ISAAC: Dana?

DANA: Yeah.

ISAAC: They're talking about bioengineering animals and terraforming Mars. When I started reporting Gemini missions just watching a Titan rocket lift off was a sight to see. Now they're gonna colonise the solar system.

DANA: Are you obsessing about this?


DANA: Why?

ISAAC: [beat, shrugs] Because I won't be alive to see it.

DANA: [beat] OK. [leaves]

ISAAC: [turning back to his magazine] Space squid ... and there's a drawing. This is gonna be in-credible ...

Reports that Aaron Sorkin is a Stephen Baxter fan remain unconfirmed.
Tags: quote, sports night, squids in space, tv
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